Emotional Rollercoaster
**This post was from almost two months ago, so if we haven't been in touch, just know that there is a lot more to update on. We are not ready to share that, yet, but please continue to send us prayers.**
To be completely honest, I'm writing today's post as a bit of a brain dump. Well, truthfully, that is what most of these posts are for.
Last week, we made the decision to move forward with IVF, assuming I am not pregnant this month. If you're reading this post, we are even further on that journey by now. At the time I'm writing this, we have only told a few friends and family. We were so excited when we made this decision with our doctor. Giddy excited. However, several people that I told responded with comments along the lines of, "That has to be so emotional."
At the time, I thought, No way! We are so excited for this! Seriously, we kept talking last week about how silly it felt to be so excited for IVF. A procedure and process that only comes after the "infertility" diagnosis. We were just so excited to feel that much closer to Baby OC.
Then, today, I think I got to the end of that high. I had my first phone call with the doctor's office about costs and billing. It was exactly like a roller coaster, the downhill went so fast and that high, filled with excitement, felt like it was over. Now, I know that sounds dramatic. I'm still excited, and I know there will be many more highs and lows. But for today, it hurt.
Instead of excitement, I was filled with fear, dread, and stress. I'm not sharing this to ask for help or sympathy. I'm just sharing our journey. In the world of social media, I'm trying to share that it's not all the highs. We still get comments from people occasionally who see our travels or lives on social media and say, "It looks like everything is going so well for you!" Don't get me wrong, we have so many blessings in our lives, but we are also dealing with a lot of emotion and stress.
Ever since Dan's kidney disease diagnosis, I have been an emotional mess. I was never really one to cry or be overly emotional, until that. Now, I cry at everything. Seriously, Dan will vouch.
One of the best things anyone said to me when we were going through his diagnosis was, "You are dealing with a tragedy. It's okay to be emotional and upset. Tragedy doesn't always mean a loss. This was a tragic event."
It was such a supportive thing to hear. That my feelings were okay. That this was tragic.
While no one has told me this, I think infertility is the same way. Another friend told me, "Infertility is so similar to loss. You are grieving for something you want so badly and can't have." Cue the waterworks.
If you are dealing with infertility or difficulty becoming pregnant. It is okay to have bad days. It's okay that today I stressed about it, worried about costs, and wondered if we were doing the right thing. I still truly believe that we are, but today was hard.
To be completely honest, I'm writing today's post as a bit of a brain dump. Well, truthfully, that is what most of these posts are for.
Last week, we made the decision to move forward with IVF, assuming I am not pregnant this month. If you're reading this post, we are even further on that journey by now. At the time I'm writing this, we have only told a few friends and family. We were so excited when we made this decision with our doctor. Giddy excited. However, several people that I told responded with comments along the lines of, "That has to be so emotional."
At the time, I thought, No way! We are so excited for this! Seriously, we kept talking last week about how silly it felt to be so excited for IVF. A procedure and process that only comes after the "infertility" diagnosis. We were just so excited to feel that much closer to Baby OC.
Then, today, I think I got to the end of that high. I had my first phone call with the doctor's office about costs and billing. It was exactly like a roller coaster, the downhill went so fast and that high, filled with excitement, felt like it was over. Now, I know that sounds dramatic. I'm still excited, and I know there will be many more highs and lows. But for today, it hurt.
Instead of excitement, I was filled with fear, dread, and stress. I'm not sharing this to ask for help or sympathy. I'm just sharing our journey. In the world of social media, I'm trying to share that it's not all the highs. We still get comments from people occasionally who see our travels or lives on social media and say, "It looks like everything is going so well for you!" Don't get me wrong, we have so many blessings in our lives, but we are also dealing with a lot of emotion and stress.
Ever since Dan's kidney disease diagnosis, I have been an emotional mess. I was never really one to cry or be overly emotional, until that. Now, I cry at everything. Seriously, Dan will vouch.
One of the best things anyone said to me when we were going through his diagnosis was, "You are dealing with a tragedy. It's okay to be emotional and upset. Tragedy doesn't always mean a loss. This was a tragic event."
It was such a supportive thing to hear. That my feelings were okay. That this was tragic.
While no one has told me this, I think infertility is the same way. Another friend told me, "Infertility is so similar to loss. You are grieving for something you want so badly and can't have." Cue the waterworks.
If you are dealing with infertility or difficulty becoming pregnant. It is okay to have bad days. It's okay that today I stressed about it, worried about costs, and wondered if we were doing the right thing. I still truly believe that we are, but today was hard.
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