Some Days Suck

Obviously, by the blog title, you know that we try to say positive. We do trust in God's plan. We do know that we are young. We know it "will happen when it's supposed to happen."

But, some days really suck.

I don't want to pretend that we are over here waiting patiently or happily all of the time.

Most weeks that I write a blog post, I cry while I write it, after I write it, and when I share it with people. I like to blame the extra hormones on why I've become SO emotional, but it's a difficult topic.

Facing our failed IUI was awful. As I said previously, we knew that the odds of it working the first time around were slim, but we wanted it to work so badly. Then, we had to make the decision on whether or not we should take a month off or move our vacation.

Looking around, it seems so easy for everyone else.

Plus, there's friends and family that pull away once you share this with them because they don't know what to say or do.

I have found fertility podcasts, websites, Facebook groups, and Instagram accounts to follow. Every little thing I am researching or asking on groups to see what it means. It almost became an obsession.

Plus, each month is full of counting days. Taking pills. Deciding when to test. Testing too early anyway. Negative test after negative test.

I AM NOT SHARING THIS FOR YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR ME!

I AM sharing it for two reasons:

1. If you are going through this, I do not want you to feel alone.

One of the first podcasts I listened to, I remember thinking, "She is way too happy talking about this." She seemed like she was dealing with everything so well. Just moving forward and remaining calm about not getting pregnant. I understand a little better now, that in trying to spread positivity to lift others up, it can come across that way. I want you to know that all of these thoughts are normal. The frustrations, the irrational unhappiness or comparisons to others. We all feel those.

You are not failing. You are not a bad person for thinking that.

I am still learning how to handle these things, so I don't have great advice. I try to share with people who understand, so they can remind me of these things when I'm having a tough day.

2. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.

It's okay to ask how things are going. It's okay to not ask. Most of the time, the best advice I have put together if you know someone dealing with fertility struggles, they will share with you when they are ready. Check in and let them know you're thinking of them, but then act normally. Don't be offended if there is a day that we don't want to be around babies. We love your kids, but sometimes it's hard. Even though it is uncomfortable, everyone still needs their friends.

For a post that was meant to let me get out some frustrations, I think I really gave that little pep talk to myself. :)

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