Grace
When we started sharing our journey, one of the things we talked a lot about was grace. Going through Dan's kidney disease we learned that people's words have more impact based on our own emotions rather than theirs.
I remember my mom telling me once that someone told her they didn't understand why people said "I'm sorry" when someone died. They were angry that this response was coming from people when it wasn't anyone's fault. My mom told me this story to illustrate to me that there are times in people's life that it doesn't matter what you say, it won't help. You just need to be there for them.
I distinctly remember being angry no matter what people said when Dan was in the hospital. They would tell me, "It'll all be okay," and I would be mad that they didn't understand how long of a road we had ahead. When people acknowledged that we had a long road ahead I would get mad thinking, You don't have to tell us, we already know. Dan said he was annoyed with the response "At least they found it," because of course he was grateful for that, but he was the one who had to go through all of the stuff that entailed.
I think that because of this we both did a pretty good job of showing grace when people said hurtful things about having children. We knew that people didn't think before asking if we wanted kids or when we were going to have them. We did an okay job of brushing it off when people would tell us not to rush it, "you don't want to have kids so young."
When we started talking about blogging to share our story, we knew we were going to really be tested on showing grace. I told Dan that one of my hesitations was that it would be harder to show grace to those people when they knew about our situation. It's easier when you can tell yourself that they don't know what you're going through. What about when they do know?
Last week, we were tested. Without going into much detail, we were having a conversation with someone who we thought should better understand our feelings, but didn't seem to be giving that much thought. I walked away from the conversation hurt and angry.
Lucky for me, Dan gives grace a lot more easily than I do. I cried in the car telling him how hurt I was by their words. Dan reminded me that everyone's story is so different. We are in the middle of ours, so we don't know how it will end. They didn't say those things to hurt us, they wanted to encourage us to show us that good will come from this time of waiting.
Showing grace is stinkin' tough. People are going to say things that will rub you the wrong way. It will hurt and make you angry. Even people who have been in your shoes may have reacted totally different to the same words. Remember that most of the time, those words have love behind them. Sure, there are people in our lives who don't, but for the most part, people say stupid and hurtful things because they are trying to find the right thing to say.
Find someone on your journey that you can share these stories with. Laugh at the attempts to make you feel better that actually sting. Talk through with someone the reminder that people care about you and whatever journey you are on. Remember that God is the only one who knows the end of your story when you are still in the middle.
We are praying for you and whatever you are dealing with. We pray that you can find it easier and easier to show grace as you heal from any challenge you face.
I remember my mom telling me once that someone told her they didn't understand why people said "I'm sorry" when someone died. They were angry that this response was coming from people when it wasn't anyone's fault. My mom told me this story to illustrate to me that there are times in people's life that it doesn't matter what you say, it won't help. You just need to be there for them.
I distinctly remember being angry no matter what people said when Dan was in the hospital. They would tell me, "It'll all be okay," and I would be mad that they didn't understand how long of a road we had ahead. When people acknowledged that we had a long road ahead I would get mad thinking, You don't have to tell us, we already know. Dan said he was annoyed with the response "At least they found it," because of course he was grateful for that, but he was the one who had to go through all of the stuff that entailed.
I think that because of this we both did a pretty good job of showing grace when people said hurtful things about having children. We knew that people didn't think before asking if we wanted kids or when we were going to have them. We did an okay job of brushing it off when people would tell us not to rush it, "you don't want to have kids so young."
When we started talking about blogging to share our story, we knew we were going to really be tested on showing grace. I told Dan that one of my hesitations was that it would be harder to show grace to those people when they knew about our situation. It's easier when you can tell yourself that they don't know what you're going through. What about when they do know?
Last week, we were tested. Without going into much detail, we were having a conversation with someone who we thought should better understand our feelings, but didn't seem to be giving that much thought. I walked away from the conversation hurt and angry.
Lucky for me, Dan gives grace a lot more easily than I do. I cried in the car telling him how hurt I was by their words. Dan reminded me that everyone's story is so different. We are in the middle of ours, so we don't know how it will end. They didn't say those things to hurt us, they wanted to encourage us to show us that good will come from this time of waiting.
Showing grace is stinkin' tough. People are going to say things that will rub you the wrong way. It will hurt and make you angry. Even people who have been in your shoes may have reacted totally different to the same words. Remember that most of the time, those words have love behind them. Sure, there are people in our lives who don't, but for the most part, people say stupid and hurtful things because they are trying to find the right thing to say.
Find someone on your journey that you can share these stories with. Laugh at the attempts to make you feel better that actually sting. Talk through with someone the reminder that people care about you and whatever journey you are on. Remember that God is the only one who knows the end of your story when you are still in the middle.
We are praying for you and whatever you are dealing with. We pray that you can find it easier and easier to show grace as you heal from any challenge you face.
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